Display a Passionless Marriage
Nothing will have a greater human impact on the heart-attraction of our children toward God, His goodness, and His grace than the degree to which our lives as couples in Christian homes reflect (as designed) the beauty of God and the bountiful kindness of His grace in Jesus.
Husbands and wives in union, are described as nothing less than 1. His self-portrait—His image displayed, and 2. the picture (on purpose from the beginning of time) to illustrate the grace of Christ and His all-giving love for His people
If we are a married, it is not just okay to be happy, faithful, romantic lovers—it is the highest calling of our lives as God’s children.
If in this intimate companionship—played out before the eyes of our next generation—there is evident joy, bonded-love, attentive care, enduring satisfaction and contentment (or at least the whole-hearted, single-minded pursuit of these, through thick and thin—even when there is rebuilding or repair to be done); then the likelihood of our son or our daughter anticipating joy in the Lord and holding the course on the journey of grace is richly magnified.
Let me ask a common question, from a fresh angle.
What moral short-coming or offense most distresses the heart of God—most jams a wrench in the gears of His splendid design for intimate relationship? Nominations are offered quickly and frequently in the Worst-Immorality category, and the most identifiable pattern in theses nominations is that they are the offenses common in the surrounding population. They are the sins that others do.
Ranking sins has long been a popular hobby in religious communities. Far beyond the Roman Catholic doctrines of cardinal and venial sins, there flows a wide and popular tradition (in an unbroken succession from the Pharisees to the modern Evangelical) of classifying and demonizing particularly heinous transgressions…that others do.
Let me be clear: sin can (I believe, in a sense) be “ranked” and some offenses against God's design and desire are of greater grief or consequence to His heart. The surprise lies in what makes some sins more troubling than others—and who is most at risk.
The Scriptures offer at least two guidelines for understanding the character and consequence of sin.
First, sins are equal.
Every sin breaks the whole law of God (James 2:10-11), and requires the full benefit of God’s forgiveness and grace to be accounted for and vanquished. In other words, the essential character of every sin is the same; and the general effect of every sin is separation and broken relationship with our good and glorious Maker.
A homosexual swinger (no matter how human religion likes to label what is extra-offensive) is not more morally bankrupt or in greater spiritual peril than a haughty salesman or an attention-grabbing preacher.
All need to be arrested by the abundant mercy of God and to embrace the Savior in repentance and faith.
We must not rank the character of sins (or the depth of needed grace) as long as it is true that rejoicing in the harm of someone who has hurt us equally alienates us from the glad fellowship of God…as murder. This is the helpful message of the Sermon on the Mount. We all need the same grace and that grace is abundantly offered.
Second, sins are different.
The judgment and consequence of sin, on the other hand, is in proportion to the knowledge of the Savior's truth and grace that is disregarded in running after ruinous things.
Call it the Capernaum-principle. Jesus warned that city—where He had spent so much time, offered such caring and personal instruction, and performed so many stunning miracles—that they in their rejection would bear a harsher judgment on the final day than Tyre and Sidon. Their heightened peril arose because—although their outward conduct appeared less deplorable than that of these scandalous Old Testament cities—they were rejecting God in the face of an outpouring of gracious opportunity and such generous knowledge of Christ and His words and ways (Luke 10:13-16).
The difference between sins is not between different sins but between the same sins in the context of different degrees of knowledge and grace.
With those thoughts in view: what is the most heartbreaking and troubling form of immorality common in the world today? What moral failure, above all others, dismays God's heart? I believe, with full conviction, that the grieving answer is this:
Passionless Christian marriage.
We who love Jesus and have experienced His grace have such a breath-taking opportunity and honor. Our lives and our words are God’s reputation in the world. Especially at home.
And He leans toward us in this, with boundless eagerness and abundant grace.
Our children and the watching world will interpret the authenticity and attractiveness of our faith, according to how we live and love and laugh at home, more than by any other measure or test.
And that is just how God intended.
The bond of love and pleasure between a husband and a wife—experienced through the genius of equally-significant, perfectly-fitted, deeply-distinctive roles—has been crafted by our happy God to exhibit nothing less than the exuberant intimacy of the Trinity and the glorious reality of the love of Jesus for the Church—His treasured bride.
The splendors of God's eternal fellowship are nowhere more vitally and vividly intended to be on display than in Christian marriage.
The wonders of the Savior's redeeming grace, dying love, and sheer delight in pursuing and perfecting His bride is what marriage was intended to illustrate from the beginning. This was always true but Paul unveiled this history-long mystery in Ephesians 5:22-33.
The person of God and the beauty and the bounty of Christ are to be portrayed in every facet of both the public devotion and the private delights of a husband and wife.
With difficulty will a son or a daughter of Christian parents come to treasure the Savior's matchless devotion, where there is small evidence of Dad and Mom's mutual affection.
If we want to raise Pharisees—going through the form and function of Christian habit, without a hunger for Christ's heart—then we need do little more than this: go through the motions of marriage with a mild delight and a moderate devotion. Or less.
Remember what makes some sin more serious than other sin (even when it is the same sin): the measure of truth and grace available.
This is why I am far less troubled by the absence of prayer in public schools than I am by the absence of spiritual fervor in Christian homes. The corruption of political leadership in our culture will ultimately damage far fewer souls than the collapse of principled leadership in the church. Homosexual marriages in the world are less troubling to God than half-hearted marriages within His family.
Selah.
You see, God's most sober judgments—and most serious joys—begin in the house of God and in the homes of His people. (1 Peter 4:17)
Our son desires and desperately needs our radiant affection—toward each other, that is—before, and even more than, toward him!
A daughter is impoverished, who is doted on by a father and mother who are remote from each other. Her conception of God and her wonder at the saving mercy of Jesus is devastatingly diminished.
Children’s desire for our Savior's grace will always be enlarged by growing delight on parents' faces.
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We would love for you to listen to this week’s companion podcast episode: “Intoxicating Romance” at the link below! (Due to be posted early this week.)
This series of blogposts are being posted in conjunction with Season 2 of the “No Mere Mortals” podcast (this link is to the Apple podcast app, but NMM is also available at Spotify and in other podcast apps). Jump on over to the podcast to listen to Lisa and my conversations on grace-rooted, joy-shaped, self-righteousness-suffocating home life and relationships!
Track along with all that we are doing here at Enjoying Grace Story Co. at Don’s Instagram