Teach them that desires are their spiritual enemies.
“I know a planet where there is a certain red-faced gentleman. He has never smelled a flower. He has never looked at a star. He has never loved anyone. He has never done anything in his life but add up figures. And all day he says over and over, just like you: ‘I am busy with matters of consequence!’ And that makes him swell up with pride. But he is not a man -- he is a mushroom!”
“As for me,” said the little prince to himself, “if I had fifty-three minutes to spend as I liked, I should walk at my leisure toward a spring of fresh water.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
One day Jacob was cooking a stew.
Esau came in from the field starved and said to Jacob,
"Give me some of that red stew—I’m starved!"
Jacob said, "Make me a trade: my stew for your rights as the firstborn."
Esau said, "I'm starving! What good is a birthright if I'm dead?"
That's how Esau shrugged off his rights and privileges as the firstborn.
(Genesis 25:29-34)
A number of times in the Gospels, in various ways, the Savior simply asked:
"What do you want?"
And when folks told Him their desires, He never (never.) told them to want less.
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasure on earth,” any disciplined monk or Pharisee might have agreed, "where moth and rust corrupt and thieves break in and steal."
"But," Jesus added, "lay up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where neither moth nor rust corrupt and thieves don't break in and steal."
Hunger intensely for the best things and refuse to let the brief gratification of lesser things rob you of the great stuff.
And if breathtaking treasure is available, abandon your trash—with light-hearted and giddy ease—to get your hands on potent, permanent wealth.
Jesus said:
"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." — Matthew 13:44
All Gospel changes in our lives are treasure transactions—glad, easy decisions that make us chuckle and say, "My Ford Focus for your Lamborghini—I don't know...I'll have to think long and hard about sacrificing my Focus!"
There are no exceptions—not one time—where our Lord says, "I want you do such and such, even though in the long run you will lose something good or be less happy.
Never. Not once. No exceptions to this extravagant rule.
We've really messed this one up. I'm tempted to use stronger language.
For centuries the world has assumed that following our faith is a fool's errand designed for masochists and self-abasing hermit-monks. Why wouldn't they, given the wonderful mix of martyrdom and moral superiority that marks so much of the "Christian" message and method before a watching world?
C.S. Lewis offers a strong antidote to this wretched thinking (he made a habit of this):
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
We are far too easily pleased?
This violently shakes the etch-a-sketch of what nearly everybody assumes is the Christian message and requirement.
Not having strong enough desires is thwarting faithfulness and diminishing spiritual progress in our lives.
Stifle desire or tolerate small, easily-satisfied desires and you will find yourself (and your son or daughter) easy targets for wasted lives of sinful indulgence or indifference.
Enlarge your desires and demand that your joys be both sustained and satisfying and you will find no alternative but to run hard after the King of grace and His gifts.
If you want to groom your heart or your children into self-satisfied, tragically-impoverished Pharisees:
1. Warn them of the danger of wanting too much pleasure.
2. Teach them to sacrifice for God
These are fertile soil for both self-destructive rebellion and self-sufficient religion - both of which are deadly.
Pharisees, legalists, and religious people of all sorts are preoccupied with what God requires and expects of us instead of what God longs to give us. They assume that God needs something from us, rather than that we desperately and hungrily need everything from Him. They think that God is more honored by our hard work than by our hunger for Him. They function on the assumption that God is a kill-joy and that He wants us to avoid punishment by learning to abandon pleasure.
Rebels smell these same slanders against God's extravagant grace and simply say, "Not interested."
And why should they be?
Even our everyday parental instructions toward wisdom and righteousness will crush and crumble if they are rooted more in sin-management and behavior modification than they are in vision-casting and pleasure-preservation.
Does your daughter crave popularity and get easily drawn into vanity (or self-pity)? Don't tell her that acceptance and beauty don't matter. Share with her the treasure of being loved and embraced by God and point her to the beauty that the Savior is crafting in her for a future unveiling. Stir in her a desire for deep-connection-marriage and home, with those who treasure her every look and thought. Compare cheap gawking to eternal admiration and life-long love.
Is your son struggling with lust? Don't tell him to stop longing. Give him something worth longing for! Magnify the wonders of sexual intimacy and the delights of God's gift of marriage. Envision in him a future worth wanting and guarding and investing in—then enjoy your wife or husband deeply in his view (or your words won't ring true).
If we portray faith and faithfulness more like monastic vows of self-flagellation than magnificently rewarding investment, our children will choose alternatives.
Which of these propels the soul toward grace? And which of these magnify the gladness and generosity and the glory of God?
Teach your sons and daughters the insanity of Esau.
Don't start by getting all spiritual-sounding and telling them how sinful and ungodly he was. (Though true.) Get right to the point and tell them that he was an idiot, a moron, a joy-crushing fool. He gave up the wealth, honor, privileges, and future of an ancient first-born son, so that he wouldn't have to be briefly hungry and wait a few minutes for dinner. His short-sightedness destroyed him quicker than his appetite.
Eager, hearty desires drive us to the grace and good promises of God. Plead for the Lord to plant enormous, irrepressible desires in you and your children that can't easily be satisfied!
A hunger for joy and vigorous desires propel growth—healthy and holy change—in our lives. (More on this in these coming Twenty Ways posts.)
This is why Moses could follow God and fulfill his calling, “choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than all the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward.”
Jesus Himself “endured the cross, disregarding the shame, for the joy that was set before Him.”
With this paradigm-shift out on the table, how do we experience a thriving life?.
Please tag along for the coming posts and No Mere Mortals podcasts, as we unpack grace-rooted, treasure-motivated life-training and transformation for our lives and the lives of our children.
Next week:
If you want to raise a Pharisee:
Number 3 — Discipline them before you delight in them
With a NMM podcast episode exploring the Celebration, Connection, Correction, Conversation Sequence.
* * *
This series of blogposts are being posted in conjunction with Season 2 of the “No Mere Mortals” podcast (this link is to the Apple podcast app, but NMM is also available at Spotify and in other podcast apps). Jump on over to the podcast to listen to Lisa and my conversations on grace-rooted, joy-shaped, self-righteousness-suffocating home life and relationships!
Track along with all that we are doing here at Enjoying Grace Story Co. at Don’s Instagram.